So it's official - Kitimaus is coming to live with me as of this evening.
If you don't know her story, maybe this will help:
Kitimaus is Gravel version 3.0 (also known as a stray from the mean streets of Trimble). My loftmate KTD was going to to take kitty home with her after work one day, but sometime during the workday, she was shot in the face and abdomen with a pellet gun. People can be amazingly terrible... After a couple surgeries, she's doing great - and who can resist a one-eyed kitty?
She'll be sharing our house for awhile - nine months at the most - and then will return to live with KTD. It's really an ideal situation - a temporary pet that we won't have to give away when/if we leave for the PC. Ideal, that is, if she's able to cohabitate with Stella.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
A Yuletide Obsession
On occasion, Brandon and I treat ourselves to a stroll through Big Lots - the apparent mecca for Athens residents abstaining from WalMart shopping. This store often has a strange effect on us, like when we walk in and the store is brimming with Pier 1 merchandise marked down 85 percent. Our trip last weekend was no exception to this pattern, with Brandon immediately falling into a strong and mysterious trance upon walking through the doors.
As we entered there was one of those obscenely large flat panel TVs there to greet us, interestingly placed in the same spot as the people who give you your cart at WalMart... On the giant shiny screen played a fireplace scene, complete with flames flickering happily and the sounds of crackling wood. In the background, songs described as 30 "Christmas favorites" were playing softly (not the favorite versions - more like the Yanni version of Christmas). Brandon was instantly hooked. "WE HAVE TO GET IT!"
The "it" was a DVD entitled, "The Yule Log," which you can conveniently pop into your player for instant festive ambiance - or so his argument went. "IT'S ONLY THREE DOLLARS!" I ordinarily protest these whims, but he was so thrilled I couldn't argue. He grabbed a cart and threw in a cheap, red plastic case. Although I was somewhat horrified by the idea of the Yule Log abiding in my house, I must admit that Brandon's love of the log amused me greatly and that quirks like this are a reason why we like each other so much.
Twenty minutes later we went to the checkout with only the Yule Log to purchase. As we exited the store, I looked back at the monstrous stack of Yule Logs still on the table and we both agreed that we were probably the only people to every actually buy one.
Not pausing to remove his coat or shoes, Brandon went directly to the television when we got home to crank up the cheer, or something like that. "IT HAS MULTIPLE VIEWS!" After he coerced me to gather round and observe, I saw that indeed you can choose from up-close, just-fireplace view, OR you can zoom out and have an entire Christmas scene complete with mantle, stockings, and gifts abounding.
To Brandon this is perhaps the most hilarious thing to ever happen to Christmas. He is very amused with his log and is planning on bringing it home with us to ambush our families. His plan: during Christmas Eve gift exchange - LOG. during Christmas morning breakfast - LOG. at my parents' house - LOG. at his grandparents' house - LOG. You get the picture.
Until then, I imagine myself coming home from work to find him sitting on the couch, smiling, watching the log flicker and pop, adjusting the volume of the crackling. Did I mention it plays in a continuous loop? No need to restart after the two-hour initial running time.
As we entered there was one of those obscenely large flat panel TVs there to greet us, interestingly placed in the same spot as the people who give you your cart at WalMart... On the giant shiny screen played a fireplace scene, complete with flames flickering happily and the sounds of crackling wood. In the background, songs described as 30 "Christmas favorites" were playing softly (not the favorite versions - more like the Yanni version of Christmas). Brandon was instantly hooked. "WE HAVE TO GET IT!"
The "it" was a DVD entitled, "The Yule Log," which you can conveniently pop into your player for instant festive ambiance - or so his argument went. "IT'S ONLY THREE DOLLARS!" I ordinarily protest these whims, but he was so thrilled I couldn't argue. He grabbed a cart and threw in a cheap, red plastic case. Although I was somewhat horrified by the idea of the Yule Log abiding in my house, I must admit that Brandon's love of the log amused me greatly and that quirks like this are a reason why we like each other so much.
Twenty minutes later we went to the checkout with only the Yule Log to purchase. As we exited the store, I looked back at the monstrous stack of Yule Logs still on the table and we both agreed that we were probably the only people to every actually buy one.
Not pausing to remove his coat or shoes, Brandon went directly to the television when we got home to crank up the cheer, or something like that. "IT HAS MULTIPLE VIEWS!" After he coerced me to gather round and observe, I saw that indeed you can choose from up-close, just-fireplace view, OR you can zoom out and have an entire Christmas scene complete with mantle, stockings, and gifts abounding.
To Brandon this is perhaps the most hilarious thing to ever happen to Christmas. He is very amused with his log and is planning on bringing it home with us to ambush our families. His plan: during Christmas Eve gift exchange - LOG. during Christmas morning breakfast - LOG. at my parents' house - LOG. at his grandparents' house - LOG. You get the picture.
Until then, I imagine myself coming home from work to find him sitting on the couch, smiling, watching the log flicker and pop, adjusting the volume of the crackling. Did I mention it plays in a continuous loop? No need to restart after the two-hour initial running time.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Cash Monies and Picket Lines
So it's over. f-day has come and gone. We made $12,500 yesterday, with more to come in stock pledges and in the mail. This is an improvement over last year's sad $8K, so I feel good but not thrilled. I'm able to breathe now - and I slept 17 hours yesterday.
I called home to give my parents the report - (they are surprisingly interested in this part of my "job.") My mom was all, "Wow! That's a lot of money!" But for some reason, it never seems like enough. One of our volunteers commented that when the total was announced, there was no celebrating; he thought it was a shame because that's a whole lot of cash. Maybe we were just exhausted, or maybe we don't really know how to celebrate our accomplishments, I don't know.
So when I called, I was feeling a range of emotions about the whole event. To make me laugh and take my mind off of analyzing everything (which I'm very prone to doing), my mom told me the following story, which has kept me laughing until now:
Yesterday my dad didn't go to work as usual; instead he was going to protest poor labor practices by standing on a busy street corner in Columbus near the entrance to Easton Towne Center. The plan was for five or six of his fellow union workers to join him with placards denouncing unfair hiring at a certain business, which stood behind them in the distance.
Unfortunately for Mario P., the others didn't show, save for his sidekick, affectionately known as "the Midget" by his fellow workers. So Mario and the Midget stood on the corner, braving the chill and wind with their signs held high, with the Rat towering in the background.
Rat, you ask? As Mario tells the story, he mentions this detail matter-of-factly: "Yeah, we were standing there, and it was so damn cold, and the Rat was blowin all over the place in the wind."
The Rat turns out to be an inflatable creature standing fifteen feet tall. It is red with gray accents.
When we asked why they chose a rat as their protest mascot, he also answered us very simply, as if this was most obvious. duh. "You know, the owner, the guy's a rat, you know. He's a RAT." I'm sure most people driving down Morse Road in rush hour will understand the symbolism.
Because the Rat was causing them so much trouble, blowing around and all, they decided to move closer to the building. And by closer I mean they tied the Rat to the building. It didn't take long for a police officer to come by and explain that the building was private property and they'd have to relocate the Rat back to the street corner.
I called home to give my parents the report - (they are surprisingly interested in this part of my "job.") My mom was all, "Wow! That's a lot of money!" But for some reason, it never seems like enough. One of our volunteers commented that when the total was announced, there was no celebrating; he thought it was a shame because that's a whole lot of cash. Maybe we were just exhausted, or maybe we don't really know how to celebrate our accomplishments, I don't know.
So when I called, I was feeling a range of emotions about the whole event. To make me laugh and take my mind off of analyzing everything (which I'm very prone to doing), my mom told me the following story, which has kept me laughing until now:
Yesterday my dad didn't go to work as usual; instead he was going to protest poor labor practices by standing on a busy street corner in Columbus near the entrance to Easton Towne Center. The plan was for five or six of his fellow union workers to join him with placards denouncing unfair hiring at a certain business, which stood behind them in the distance.
Unfortunately for Mario P., the others didn't show, save for his sidekick, affectionately known as "the Midget" by his fellow workers. So Mario and the Midget stood on the corner, braving the chill and wind with their signs held high, with the Rat towering in the background.
Rat, you ask? As Mario tells the story, he mentions this detail matter-of-factly: "Yeah, we were standing there, and it was so damn cold, and the Rat was blowin all over the place in the wind."
The Rat turns out to be an inflatable creature standing fifteen feet tall. It is red with gray accents.
When we asked why they chose a rat as their protest mascot, he also answered us very simply, as if this was most obvious. duh. "You know, the owner, the guy's a rat, you know. He's a RAT." I'm sure most people driving down Morse Road in rush hour will understand the symbolism.
Because the Rat was causing them so much trouble, blowing around and all, they decided to move closer to the building. And by closer I mean they tied the Rat to the building. It didn't take long for a police officer to come by and explain that the building was private property and they'd have to relocate the Rat back to the street corner.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
These things are difficult right now:
*Getting through the next week.
The infamous fundraiser is looming, and it's causing me to have nightmares pretty much every time I fall asleep. It will all be over just one week from now. I made the mistake of asking how much $ is in the annual budget for this event; that was a bad idea.
*Applying to the Peace Corps (two of us).
I have really forgotten how to do things like write motivational essays. What happened? I used to be a superstar at shameless self-promotion. I also need to get a lot of financial information from my parents without explaining why I need it. In lieu of recent family woes, we are not telling our fams about our applications until we're definitely in and have an approximate departure date.
*Giving up my house.
I know I need to tell my landlord that we're not staying another year, but for some reason, that's really scary. We like it there - it is a very happy first place we've had together - and if we don't get into the PC or can't leave when we want to, we will have given up the house for nothing. If we're staying in Athens for another year, I want to stay there and plant flowers in my brick beds.
I'm glad last weekend was so relaxing (aside from all the steak-pain). We saw Into the Wild, which was great. This movie bothered me enough to stay with me for a couple days (and give me more nightmares). You should see it.
Many wonderful things are happening now too, though. I'm starting to work with the Timothy House and the ARC, maybe My Sister's Place too (oh, and did I mention I'm now an elder at the Presb? ...) - all of a sudden I've remembered my former, hyper-busy self. In the past few years (also know as the abyss of college), I forgot that I was a joiner. I mean, at first it was intentional: "I'm taking a break from all this joining. No more activities for me." I was president of several community organizations, on advisory boards and committees of many others; indeed, my brain was melting circa 2002/3 from all the busyness. But somehow, this turned into five years, and now it feels like I'm slowly waking up from a long nap, and it feels really good.
The infamous fundraiser is looming, and it's causing me to have nightmares pretty much every time I fall asleep. It will all be over just one week from now. I made the mistake of asking how much $ is in the annual budget for this event; that was a bad idea.
*Applying to the Peace Corps (two of us).
I have really forgotten how to do things like write motivational essays. What happened? I used to be a superstar at shameless self-promotion. I also need to get a lot of financial information from my parents without explaining why I need it. In lieu of recent family woes, we are not telling our fams about our applications until we're definitely in and have an approximate departure date.
*Giving up my house.
I know I need to tell my landlord that we're not staying another year, but for some reason, that's really scary. We like it there - it is a very happy first place we've had together - and if we don't get into the PC or can't leave when we want to, we will have given up the house for nothing. If we're staying in Athens for another year, I want to stay there and plant flowers in my brick beds.
I'm glad last weekend was so relaxing (aside from all the steak-pain). We saw Into the Wild, which was great. This movie bothered me enough to stay with me for a couple days (and give me more nightmares). You should see it.
Many wonderful things are happening now too, though. I'm starting to work with the Timothy House and the ARC, maybe My Sister's Place too (oh, and did I mention I'm now an elder at the Presb? ...) - all of a sudden I've remembered my former, hyper-busy self. In the past few years (also know as the abyss of college), I forgot that I was a joiner. I mean, at first it was intentional: "I'm taking a break from all this joining. No more activities for me." I was president of several community organizations, on advisory boards and committees of many others; indeed, my brain was melting circa 2002/3 from all the busyness. But somehow, this turned into five years, and now it feels like I'm slowly waking up from a long nap, and it feels really good.
Monday, November 05, 2007
I Should've Known Better. And I'm Sorry About That.
I should've known better about the pumpkins. Putting them on my front steps in Athens was a very bad idea on Halloween. After we returned from the uptown revelry (which wasn't all that boisterous), the spooky tree and skull were still safe and sound - at about 2am. No worries, I thought - if they've lasted this long, they'll make it. But when we woke to go to the Presb, the steps were bare and Brandon had to shield my eyes as we drove past the piles of pulp on the corner of Walker and First.
I'm sorry about this page - it seems my screen settings at work are all messed up, and the colors appear normal and pleasant; yet, when I viewed this blog on a computer at Alden Library, I realized it's actually quite hideous. Yep, I apologize.
Yesterday will go down in history at GluttonFest 2007. (It will also be known as my first wedding anniversary). To celebrate, we visited the Gator yet again for some serious protein: Brandon consumed more than a pound of steak. I made the mistake of ordering a chicken, rice and garbanzo bean soup on top of my entree, and the rest is pain.
I'm sorry about this page - it seems my screen settings at work are all messed up, and the colors appear normal and pleasant; yet, when I viewed this blog on a computer at Alden Library, I realized it's actually quite hideous. Yep, I apologize.
Yesterday will go down in history at GluttonFest 2007. (It will also be known as my first wedding anniversary). To celebrate, we visited the Gator yet again for some serious protein: Brandon consumed more than a pound of steak. I made the mistake of ordering a chicken, rice and garbanzo bean soup on top of my entree, and the rest is pain.
Monday, October 29, 2007
My Parachute is Pumpkin-Colored
This fall I have found a new passion: pumpkin art. You'd think I would have figured this out earlier in life, with all the years of picking, scooping and carving behind me in P-town. But no, we always made those lame-o jack-o's, the ones with triangle eyes and simple smiles. On occasion, we'd get super fancy and add some teeth, or maybe I'd mix it up with a star-shaped lid instead of the basic circle or square, but this year, I put all former, geometrically-featured pumpkins to shame with my AMAZING spooky tree carving.
My obsession began when Brandon and I purchased one of those carving kits with all the tools (like mini jig saws) and intricate stencil patterns. We chose this particular kit for the spooky tree pattern for me and a rad skull face for Brandon.
When we opened the packet we saw that each design had a difficulty rating, ranging from one pumpkin (easy/beginner) to the mac-daddy five pumpkin expert level. Of course, my spooky tree was rated a five. I am an overachiever.
Thinking this would be pretty much impossible to pull off (recalling all my past experience with triangle eyes and circle noses), I didn't hold out much hope. I started with the stencil, but then decided to just freehand the thing, and to my amazement, it turned out great! Brandon's skull was pretty sweet too. Who would've thought?!
Soon thoughts of starting a pumpkin-carving enterprise flooded my mind - maybe I could make some under the table deals (not cool for my "job," which forbids other forms of income), selling fancy jack-o-lanterns to people too lazy or busy to make their own. Instant stoop art! I was going to be rich!
Later that night we placed our pumpkins happily on the front steps, arranging them amidst assorted gourds and feeling quite proud.
We walked across the street to visit our neighbor for some rum and cider - so appropriate for the day - and had a great time watching our tree and skull glow cheerfully from her front porch. It was a wonderful fall evening.
My obsession began when Brandon and I purchased one of those carving kits with all the tools (like mini jig saws) and intricate stencil patterns. We chose this particular kit for the spooky tree pattern for me and a rad skull face for Brandon.
When we opened the packet we saw that each design had a difficulty rating, ranging from one pumpkin (easy/beginner) to the mac-daddy five pumpkin expert level. Of course, my spooky tree was rated a five. I am an overachiever.
Thinking this would be pretty much impossible to pull off (recalling all my past experience with triangle eyes and circle noses), I didn't hold out much hope. I started with the stencil, but then decided to just freehand the thing, and to my amazement, it turned out great! Brandon's skull was pretty sweet too. Who would've thought?!
Soon thoughts of starting a pumpkin-carving enterprise flooded my mind - maybe I could make some under the table deals (not cool for my "job," which forbids other forms of income), selling fancy jack-o-lanterns to people too lazy or busy to make their own. Instant stoop art! I was going to be rich!
Later that night we placed our pumpkins happily on the front steps, arranging them amidst assorted gourds and feeling quite proud.
We walked across the street to visit our neighbor for some rum and cider - so appropriate for the day - and had a great time watching our tree and skull glow cheerfully from her front porch. It was a wonderful fall evening.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Now I Bore You With Stories of My Cat
The creature that shares my home is violent - violent beyond normal cat-violence, I believe.
Stella lunges at me (from underneath ottomans, couch, duvet or chair leg) with such speed and ferocity that my heart skips several beats and I have to sit down and rest for a minute or two. Her pupils dilate as her claws come out and sink into the naked flesh of my calves. I hear that lying in wait under furniture and pouncing is typical, at least for the first couple years of feline life, but the uncommon part about this is that it is no hit-and-run attack; Stella digs her fangs into my legs and refuses to let go.
On Monday, I suffered my worst wound to date:
While climbing the stairs, Stella lunged from behind a loaf of bread on top of the refrigerator. With incisors deep inside the tissue of my left leg and a basket of laundry filling my arms, I used my right foot to try to push her off me. Instead, she digs in harder, and when I push her downward, she just drags her claws down my leg, leaving a wonderfully Halloween-appropriate tearing wound. Imagine the kind that you'd glue to your forehead as part of a Frankenstein costume. Who needs a trip to Halloween USA when I've got "lifelike wounds by Stella" being created in my very own home!
I should also mention that her aggression has manifested in other ways, most notably angry urination. (It appears she's reverting to her most infantile methods of upsetting me).
On Sunday, as Brandon cleaned the litter, I looked over to see Stella "snuggling" in the lid of the box - (we have one of the enclosed types with the filter in the top). How cute, I thought.
Soon, though, I noticed a puddle forming in the bottom of the box - when we lifted it up, there was a pond on the floor. She had pissed in the filter! In the filter!
We thought this behavior had subsided when we gave her the beanie baby (named "Sizzle" by the Ty Corporation) - a flame red fuzzy teddy bear, all velor with a red bow around its neck. For a month or more, Sizzle occupied all of Stella's crazy energy and indeed was a blessed portal for all her evil. But somehow Sizzle's spell has worn off and my bare legs are once again her game.
Stella lunges at me (from underneath ottomans, couch, duvet or chair leg) with such speed and ferocity that my heart skips several beats and I have to sit down and rest for a minute or two. Her pupils dilate as her claws come out and sink into the naked flesh of my calves. I hear that lying in wait under furniture and pouncing is typical, at least for the first couple years of feline life, but the uncommon part about this is that it is no hit-and-run attack; Stella digs her fangs into my legs and refuses to let go.
On Monday, I suffered my worst wound to date:
While climbing the stairs, Stella lunged from behind a loaf of bread on top of the refrigerator. With incisors deep inside the tissue of my left leg and a basket of laundry filling my arms, I used my right foot to try to push her off me. Instead, she digs in harder, and when I push her downward, she just drags her claws down my leg, leaving a wonderfully Halloween-appropriate tearing wound. Imagine the kind that you'd glue to your forehead as part of a Frankenstein costume. Who needs a trip to Halloween USA when I've got "lifelike wounds by Stella" being created in my very own home!
I should also mention that her aggression has manifested in other ways, most notably angry urination. (It appears she's reverting to her most infantile methods of upsetting me).
On Sunday, as Brandon cleaned the litter, I looked over to see Stella "snuggling" in the lid of the box - (we have one of the enclosed types with the filter in the top). How cute, I thought.
Soon, though, I noticed a puddle forming in the bottom of the box - when we lifted it up, there was a pond on the floor. She had pissed in the filter! In the filter!
We thought this behavior had subsided when we gave her the beanie baby (named "Sizzle" by the Ty Corporation) - a flame red fuzzy teddy bear, all velor with a red bow around its neck. For a month or more, Sizzle occupied all of Stella's crazy energy and indeed was a blessed portal for all her evil. But somehow Sizzle's spell has worn off and my bare legs are once again her game.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
"Attention Kroger Shoppers: There's an Idiot in Aisle Ten, an Idiot in Aisle Ten."
A snippet from our last trip to the grocery:
B. and I stand in line behind two other carts - a man in his early seventies (wearing all khaki, looking very retired with house shoes and driving cap) is directly in front of us, and a smart looking woman (blond bob, business attire) is in front of him.
When the line lulls a bit, although B. and I don't even notice the pause, the man turns to Brandon - since he's so macho looking and all - and comments, "It's not me holding up the line. Must be a female thing."
Brandon, not interested in this strange effort at male bonding, continues to flip through the TV Guide and pick out which Kit Kat he wants. When the woman returns from checking a price, the line moves forward and she goes on her way.
The man, now at the register, waits as good old Corey the clerk scans his netted bag of oranges. A frown grows on Corey's brow. Turning first to the man and then to the bagger he asks, "Do you know how much these cost?" Shrugs and blank looks all around, so the bagger shuffles off to check the sticker in the produce section.
The man now avoids eye contact with us, shifting his weight awkwardly on the spot.
We can't contain our snickering, and although I try to control myself, I'm all, "A female thing? A female thing?! Who's female now!?" at the man and Brandon attempts to hide my glee by plastering the TV Guide over my face.
B. and I stand in line behind two other carts - a man in his early seventies (wearing all khaki, looking very retired with house shoes and driving cap) is directly in front of us, and a smart looking woman (blond bob, business attire) is in front of him.
When the line lulls a bit, although B. and I don't even notice the pause, the man turns to Brandon - since he's so macho looking and all - and comments, "It's not me holding up the line. Must be a female thing."
Brandon, not interested in this strange effort at male bonding, continues to flip through the TV Guide and pick out which Kit Kat he wants. When the woman returns from checking a price, the line moves forward and she goes on her way.
The man, now at the register, waits as good old Corey the clerk scans his netted bag of oranges. A frown grows on Corey's brow. Turning first to the man and then to the bagger he asks, "Do you know how much these cost?" Shrugs and blank looks all around, so the bagger shuffles off to check the sticker in the produce section.
The man now avoids eye contact with us, shifting his weight awkwardly on the spot.
We can't contain our snickering, and although I try to control myself, I'm all, "A female thing? A female thing?! Who's female now!?" at the man and Brandon attempts to hide my glee by plastering the TV Guide over my face.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I'm Feeling a Gloomy Post
I usually prefer to tell stories in this space, but unfortunately there aren't too many stories to tell. I remember moments when I thought, "Aha, that is a wonderfully blog-worthy thing to record," but my brain is tired now.
Last night was a weird night - my pal from Teaneck drove away down Brown while we waved from the front step and Brandon asked, "Do you think we'll ever see our pal again?" (dramatic, yes?) In my strange and anxious mood I grumbled no, not for a while at least.
It's been a bizarre season, realizing that we've stayed in one place for so long that now we've actually watched people come and go. Before, we've always been the ones coming and going. This has left me feeling very restless - not just watching others move on to new things, but realizing that I miss not moving on as well.
When you combine this strange feeling of stagnation with Brandon's barely part-time job right now, we are becoming quickly and wholly dissatisfied with staying in Athens any longer. The options for change, however, are overwhelming, so we just kind of stare at each other looking lost whenever one of us brings up the subject of moving.
Last night was a weird night - my pal from Teaneck drove away down Brown while we waved from the front step and Brandon asked, "Do you think we'll ever see our pal again?" (dramatic, yes?) In my strange and anxious mood I grumbled no, not for a while at least.
It's been a bizarre season, realizing that we've stayed in one place for so long that now we've actually watched people come and go. Before, we've always been the ones coming and going. This has left me feeling very restless - not just watching others move on to new things, but realizing that I miss not moving on as well.
When you combine this strange feeling of stagnation with Brandon's barely part-time job right now, we are becoming quickly and wholly dissatisfied with staying in Athens any longer. The options for change, however, are overwhelming, so we just kind of stare at each other looking lost whenever one of us brings up the subject of moving.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Rest
I almost forgot about this...
While in Minnesota for way-too-long, week-long training for my "job," I spent every evening in my hotel room. Why waste a week in a new place in your hotel? Because the only other options for outside-the-hotel entertainment were:
1.) Taking a hotel shuttle to the Mall of America (affectionately referred to as the MOA by Minneapolis natives). I don't enjoy malls in general, but I had a hunch that exploring this place by myself would give me an anxiety attack.
2.) Going to the Minnesota State Fair - a far superior option, because as I learned from the Minneapolis daily newscast, the State Fair IS AWESOME. Why so AWESOME? Because the Minnesota State Fair is renowned for its creative use of "things on a stick." Unlike most of your run of the mill state fairs, the Minnesotans do it up right: macaroni and cheese on a stick, walleye on a stick, etc. This is a serious source of pride for Minnesota. You suck, Ohio.
3.) Hanging out with my colleagues, who I'd already spent twelve hours with each day.
So I was somewhat relieved when the phone in my room rang on the very first night. I assumed it would be the front desk, but the voice on the other end inquired, "Hello, T-Pole? This is Marty - Ralph's niece."
Of course it would be Brandon's grandfather's sister's daughter. calling me in an obscure hotel room almost a thousand miles away from home. duh.
The frantic photocopying during the tornado was not in vain; he had tracked me down.
After a lovely convo with Marty (who had not seen B-rod since he was two), she offered to take me to dinner with her family.
Two days later, Marty showed up in her orange eco-mobile and took me away from the stifling hotel. We arrived at the Good Earth (a wonderful "health food" restaurant) to meet her mother and father, husband and brother. Woah, intense, huh? So I dined with these strangers and came to realize that of course they are wonderful and intensely polite and curious people. They're Ralph's people.
I learned all sorts of family trivia, including the fact that B-rod has a cousin who's 6'11" - genetic mystery solved! At least we know where his freak gene lies now...
The parents (Ralph's sister and bro-in-law) were amazing = they travel the country at the age of 87 and stay in elder-hostels. Who knew these existed? Marty and her man were likewise great; they even knew about and were very interested in my "job," because their daughter did the same thing. From what I learned of her, I think this daughter (and distant B-rod cousin) might be my bff if we ever meet.
This brief visit definitely helped me survive my week of boredom. I learned that Minnesota isn't all MOA and skewered walleye; it's the home of some really friendly people who love their state and other people. On my next visit, I'll try to get out more - I've been told by some reliable sources that Minneapolis is a fine city to explore.
While in Minnesota for way-too-long, week-long training for my "job," I spent every evening in my hotel room. Why waste a week in a new place in your hotel? Because the only other options for outside-the-hotel entertainment were:
1.) Taking a hotel shuttle to the Mall of America (affectionately referred to as the MOA by Minneapolis natives). I don't enjoy malls in general, but I had a hunch that exploring this place by myself would give me an anxiety attack.
2.) Going to the Minnesota State Fair - a far superior option, because as I learned from the Minneapolis daily newscast, the State Fair IS AWESOME. Why so AWESOME? Because the Minnesota State Fair is renowned for its creative use of "things on a stick." Unlike most of your run of the mill state fairs, the Minnesotans do it up right: macaroni and cheese on a stick, walleye on a stick, etc. This is a serious source of pride for Minnesota. You suck, Ohio.
3.) Hanging out with my colleagues, who I'd already spent twelve hours with each day.
So I was somewhat relieved when the phone in my room rang on the very first night. I assumed it would be the front desk, but the voice on the other end inquired, "Hello, T-Pole? This is Marty - Ralph's niece."
Of course it would be Brandon's grandfather's sister's daughter. calling me in an obscure hotel room almost a thousand miles away from home. duh.
The frantic photocopying during the tornado was not in vain; he had tracked me down.
After a lovely convo with Marty (who had not seen B-rod since he was two), she offered to take me to dinner with her family.
Two days later, Marty showed up in her orange eco-mobile and took me away from the stifling hotel. We arrived at the Good Earth (a wonderful "health food" restaurant) to meet her mother and father, husband and brother. Woah, intense, huh? So I dined with these strangers and came to realize that of course they are wonderful and intensely polite and curious people. They're Ralph's people.
I learned all sorts of family trivia, including the fact that B-rod has a cousin who's 6'11" - genetic mystery solved! At least we know where his freak gene lies now...
The parents (Ralph's sister and bro-in-law) were amazing = they travel the country at the age of 87 and stay in elder-hostels. Who knew these existed? Marty and her man were likewise great; they even knew about and were very interested in my "job," because their daughter did the same thing. From what I learned of her, I think this daughter (and distant B-rod cousin) might be my bff if we ever meet.
This brief visit definitely helped me survive my week of boredom. I learned that Minnesota isn't all MOA and skewered walleye; it's the home of some really friendly people who love their state and other people. On my next visit, I'll try to get out more - I've been told by some reliable sources that Minneapolis is a fine city to explore.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Prelude
I went to visit some of my favorite people in the world. We sat around a precious little round table in a precious little breakfast nook in a precious little condo to look at photos from my European adventure.
While flipping through the album pages, we heard a loud siren sounding outside. A tornado was coming! We gathered around the television in the den to see a dark red swirl heading right for northern Columbus.
Gma P wanted to head to the basement immediately, but Gpa P insisted "it's nothing." So nothing, in fact, that his next words were, "Hey B-rod, go out to the car and get T-Pole's itinerary for her trip to Minneapolis tomorrow."
"But grandpa, the sirens are going off, and the doppler shows that there's a tornado heading straight for your house!"
"You'll have plenty of warning. Now go get that itinerary. Now."
B-rod returns unharmed and we head to the cozy basement (replete with snacks for the impending doom). As Gma puts it, "If we're going out, we're going out swinging," and she calls for a glass of chardonnay. While we gorge ourselves on Cheez-its, beer and merlot, Gpa remains upstairs in his office - excitedly photocopying my hotel's address and phone number.
To be continued...
While flipping through the album pages, we heard a loud siren sounding outside. A tornado was coming! We gathered around the television in the den to see a dark red swirl heading right for northern Columbus.
Gma P wanted to head to the basement immediately, but Gpa P insisted "it's nothing." So nothing, in fact, that his next words were, "Hey B-rod, go out to the car and get T-Pole's itinerary for her trip to Minneapolis tomorrow."
"But grandpa, the sirens are going off, and the doppler shows that there's a tornado heading straight for your house!"
"You'll have plenty of warning. Now go get that itinerary. Now."
B-rod returns unharmed and we head to the cozy basement (replete with snacks for the impending doom). As Gma puts it, "If we're going out, we're going out swinging," and she calls for a glass of chardonnay. While we gorge ourselves on Cheez-its, beer and merlot, Gpa remains upstairs in his office - excitedly photocopying my hotel's address and phone number.
To be continued...
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Oh, and this too
I did, in fact, get a call about the skull card, but it was from my mom. In her stubbornness to put off getting glasses, things are often fuzzy, blurry, or just downright ridiculous looking through her eyes.
She called to congratulate me on sending the best card in the G-ma Birthday Competition (a spot formerly held by the Uncle Jeff, whom I temporarily dethroned).
My crown, however, was short-lived and soon revoked in the following way:
Mom: Your card was so funny. We loved your subtle message.
Me: Wha?
Mom: You know, all those skulls smoking cigarettes - we all tell her that she should quit, especially at her age, but your card really got the point across. A little morbid maybe don't you think!
(my family loves morbid - hence the best card award)
Me: Cigarettes?! You really are sick. Those are noise makers mom. The skulls are blowing them happily as in, "happy birthday!" Not as in, "Hey grandma, keep smoking and you'll end up like this!" Get some glasses crazy lady.
Mom: Oh, I guess it wasn't so funny after all.
She called to congratulate me on sending the best card in the G-ma Birthday Competition (a spot formerly held by the Uncle Jeff, whom I temporarily dethroned).
My crown, however, was short-lived and soon revoked in the following way:
Mom: Your card was so funny. We loved your subtle message.
Me: Wha?
Mom: You know, all those skulls smoking cigarettes - we all tell her that she should quit, especially at her age, but your card really got the point across. A little morbid maybe don't you think!
(my family loves morbid - hence the best card award)
Me: Cigarettes?! You really are sick. Those are noise makers mom. The skulls are blowing them happily as in, "happy birthday!" Not as in, "Hey grandma, keep smoking and you'll end up like this!" Get some glasses crazy lady.
Mom: Oh, I guess it wasn't so funny after all.
Unremarkable Things
*This is the second time a precious black kitten has crossed my path and tried to be my buddy. I named him Wolf; he likes to thrash around on my porch and chase grass shadows.
*I have entered the GRE gauntlet. Equipped with the wisdom and anxiousness passed on to me by the Peachums, I hope to take the exam by mid-autumn.
*Other fascinating things I do to pass the time when it's too hot to wander around my neighborhood and the man is away climbing wind towers include: organizing kitchen and sock drawers, sorting bills into neat, hanging box bottom folders, re-staking and twining the tomato plants, writing out my vocabulary words, grooming the Stella.
*It's fair season: last weekend was the Glouster Chile Pepper Festival - thanks to Shannon and B-rod for sitting with me through two hours of an Elvis impersonator from Coshocton. I might also go the Ohio State Fair with Lizb and Mattm to see the butter cow. All my life living in such close proximity to the gooey heifer and I've never laid eyes on her - can you believe it?
*I have entered the GRE gauntlet. Equipped with the wisdom and anxiousness passed on to me by the Peachums, I hope to take the exam by mid-autumn.
*Other fascinating things I do to pass the time when it's too hot to wander around my neighborhood and the man is away climbing wind towers include: organizing kitchen and sock drawers, sorting bills into neat, hanging box bottom folders, re-staking and twining the tomato plants, writing out my vocabulary words, grooming the Stella.
*It's fair season: last weekend was the Glouster Chile Pepper Festival - thanks to Shannon and B-rod for sitting with me through two hours of an Elvis impersonator from Coshocton. I might also go the Ohio State Fair with Lizb and Mattm to see the butter cow. All my life living in such close proximity to the gooey heifer and I've never laid eyes on her - can you believe it?
Monday, July 30, 2007
Skulls, flames and party hats
Remember how 2007 is the year of the singing birthday card? Well, my grandma, Donna Jean, is the official winner of the "best piece of anything to arrive in your mailbox in a really long time" prize.
On Saturday I set out to find the perfect singing (and grandma appropriate) gem in the Hallmark aisle. Of course I settled on the one which blares "Bad to the Bone" when opened. The front, adorned with shiny orange flames and a skull blowing a party noise maker, challenges the seventy-something birthday gal: "It's your birthday - be bad." The real clincher that just screamed "Grandma" though was the skull wallpaper that covered both the inner flaps.
I can't wait for this phone call:
"Hello grandma! Happy birthday! What? Skulls?! I know nothing of it. No, definitely not appropriate for a grandmother's 73rd birthday..."
On Saturday I set out to find the perfect singing (and grandma appropriate) gem in the Hallmark aisle. Of course I settled on the one which blares "Bad to the Bone" when opened. The front, adorned with shiny orange flames and a skull blowing a party noise maker, challenges the seventy-something birthday gal: "It's your birthday - be bad." The real clincher that just screamed "Grandma" though was the skull wallpaper that covered both the inner flaps.
I can't wait for this phone call:
"Hello grandma! Happy birthday! What? Skulls?! I know nothing of it. No, definitely not appropriate for a grandmother's 73rd birthday..."
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Damn you, Matt Lauer
I shouldn't have the TV on in this perilous time of trying to avoid the HP ending. What was I thinking... Is it now supposed to be safe to just blurt out the ending of the book on national television! I guess they assume that all the hardcore fans have finished their books by now and won't be sending in hexed hate mail when this dude gives it away on air... Still, let's not discuss this until I'm done reading. I suck.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Potter Mania
[Dear Jessm,
I can't figure out how to leave a blognote for you, so here it is: I'm very very excited to see you. I bought my HP copy on Saturday and I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. After our conversation on the phone, I thought this would be best and now we can discuss it when you arrive! Although this weekend will be super fun, your visit marks the official start of some serious sadness: goodbye Jess, goodbye Sara, goodbye Max.]
For all of you other people out there who have held Harry off until now, both Brod and my mom have decided to read Harry Potter in the last few days. Why they've waited until now, I will never comprehend, but please understand: if my mom has caved, you [and those other last few holdouts] are next.
My goal right now is to speed through the remaining two-thirds before I hear some idiot blurt out the ending and ruin it for me.
I can't figure out how to leave a blognote for you, so here it is: I'm very very excited to see you. I bought my HP copy on Saturday and I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. After our conversation on the phone, I thought this would be best and now we can discuss it when you arrive! Although this weekend will be super fun, your visit marks the official start of some serious sadness: goodbye Jess, goodbye Sara, goodbye Max.]
For all of you other people out there who have held Harry off until now, both Brod and my mom have decided to read Harry Potter in the last few days. Why they've waited until now, I will never comprehend, but please understand: if my mom has caved, you [and those other last few holdouts] are next.
My goal right now is to speed through the remaining two-thirds before I hear some idiot blurt out the ending and ruin it for me.
Friday, July 20, 2007
At Contra Dancing for Beginners
I learned that I am extremely uncomfortable touching strange (meaning people I do not know) men. I had no problem 'allemand lefting' the ladies, but I really struggled with all the strange-man touching. Particularly, I think, because I am short and these men were tall, and they didn't understand where to put their hands on me. I also really hated the smell of lots of sweaty people spinning around, and all the different sweats combining on my palms was driving me insane. On a lighter note, my former boss spotted me in the midst of my contra lesson - we made brief eye contact and then I pretended to be engrossed in my circling left. No worries, no scene. After the first half hour of excruciating social awkwardness, I finally loosened up and had a good deal of fun. It was like square dancing with my handless middle school gym teacher, only less dumb and the music was better. The Peach, the Felsher and I all were pretty smooth with our moves by the end of the lesson I have to say. We are some sweet gypsy-dancing swingers. I can't wait to suck B-rod into the world of the contra next week - can you imagine it? Please do.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
And So It Begins...
Remember how there were a bazillion weddings last year? Well, the first wave of baby birthing from the wedding bonanza has naturally begun. Geesh.
I should make a formula. We already know my six + six = sex equation for dating, engagement and marriage. Maybe something like (# of bridesmaids) x (# of wedding cake tiers) - length of honeymoon = months of babylessness?
I should make a formula. We already know my six + six = sex equation for dating, engagement and marriage. Maybe something like (# of bridesmaids) x (# of wedding cake tiers) - length of honeymoon = months of babylessness?
A Long One About My Sur-reality
Sunday was strange. Upon arriving at church, we saw there was a guest pastor teaching that morning. He hailed from Portland, originally from Athens, home for a reunion. After the service there was a meeting downstairs in which we'd have a conversation and he would offer some advice for our own congregation. Soon after he began teaching that morning, we knew this was a meeting we should attend.
He spoke to us from his own experience pastoring an aging congregation in a university town, trying to offer some hope that mainline denominations don't have to "die out" - although blunt, this is literal in the case of our church it seems.
Rather, they can attract students, young adults and young families.
In our church, I would estimate the median age to be about, oh, 60. Looking around the sanctuary each week, B and I stick out quite obviously with our black hair, and people often say to me, "It's so nice to have you here. Thanks for visiting." When I explain that we're actually members of the church, they are both happily surprised and embarrassed.
The visiting pastor's message quickly transported us into the twilight zone - it was a brief yet on the money description of our generation and what we look for in choosing a church. The congregation absorbed this information so eagerly because it truly was foreign information to them (although it was the most familiar and in ways unsettling to both of us). He explained in the most elementary of terms the following about a so-called contemporary church -
Contemporary churches:
1. do not use hymnals, but project words onto a screen
2. have more movement in the worship - such as hand clapping
3. do not use pipe organs, but incorporate guitars and drum sets into worship
4. have an "enyay" (~) flow to the service - high energy worship followed by teaching, followed by the "rockin postlude" ending music; (rather than a long liturgy of stand up sit down, there is just this simple curve)
5. have a casual dress code
6. use cutting edge multimedia in services
And so on.
(as most of you know, this message could also be called: "T and B's life until now."
For many, this was the first they had ever heard of such a thing. they were shocked. some appalled. all looking to Brandon and I for answers. While at the same time, we were starting to sweat in our seats - this is too close for comfort, for sure. our past was quickly encroaching.
After the service and the discussion, we were surrounded by questions: do you actually know of churches like this? If so, could you give me some places to visit? (followed by meticulous note taking and fact gathering, probably organized into an outline in true Presbyterian fashion).
When I told them this was the first church in which I had ever used a hymnal, they lit up with glee - indeed, an expert in our midst! When I told them I was not raised in the church but converted of my own accord in my teens, they giggled - they do exist! When they found out we came from the Vineyard movement and that Brandon actually has been trained in small group leadership, the questions mounted and promises of future talks began.
Remember how we left all of this behind in search of a more personally authentic, stripped-down, less emotional-hype experience only a year ago?
It seems to be following me, but in a new way, hopefully a better way.
Surely, if we hope to have the option of attending a so-called "mainline" church in say twenty years, there must be some adaptation to appeal to these changing tastes (no matter how those tastes are associated with my own personal baggage).
The visitor told a story before the meeting adjourned that eased my fears:
When they first implemented this new "contemporary" model at their congregation, a graduate student who had been away for some years returned to find her home church changed, and so it appeared, overrun by the same, old evangelical model she had come to associate with all things corruptible to the church. However, after the "happy clappy hour" (as one of the women in my meeting called it!), the student realized that the theology of the teaching was the same and she found relief.
In this case then, it was possible to blend the two experiences - contemporary style with sound theology - one that avoids the trap of just being "all Jesus and me" (This was another favorite phrase of mine from the day: the pastor's wife and co-pastor explained that she went through and edited out some of the worship songs that made everything too introspective. I hope you know what I mean - not to diminish the importance of Jesus and me, but not to focus solely on it at the expense of the social gospel).
During the meeting I offered our story, explaining that we left these contemporary, evangelical churches because of their narrow views on social issues. I told them that their churches do not have to disappear, but in fact have an advantage - they offer space for doubts, questioning and discussion. They allow LGBT persons to not only practice their faith in their midst, but serve in leadership! They care about the environment and issues of sustainability and know that peace and justice ministry must be at the center of all faith work. We actually pray for our national and global leadership and against all forms of oppression during service. Surely there are other young people who are restless in conservative contemporary churches who would see the value in this, I thought.
Two worlds are colliding friends, and as the meeting ended, the experienced West Coast co-pastors urged our aging comrades to put Brandon and me at the very center of this collision to offer our unique perspective. Perhaps it will mean congregational mutiny as the aging ladies despise any changes to their routines, now seventy years solid. Perhaps they should hire me as a full-time contemporary church expert to consult them on these matters:) Perhaps this will create the best of both worlds?
He spoke to us from his own experience pastoring an aging congregation in a university town, trying to offer some hope that mainline denominations don't have to "die out" - although blunt, this is literal in the case of our church it seems.
Rather, they can attract students, young adults and young families.
In our church, I would estimate the median age to be about, oh, 60. Looking around the sanctuary each week, B and I stick out quite obviously with our black hair, and people often say to me, "It's so nice to have you here. Thanks for visiting." When I explain that we're actually members of the church, they are both happily surprised and embarrassed.
The visiting pastor's message quickly transported us into the twilight zone - it was a brief yet on the money description of our generation and what we look for in choosing a church. The congregation absorbed this information so eagerly because it truly was foreign information to them (although it was the most familiar and in ways unsettling to both of us). He explained in the most elementary of terms the following about a so-called contemporary church -
Contemporary churches:
1. do not use hymnals, but project words onto a screen
2. have more movement in the worship - such as hand clapping
3. do not use pipe organs, but incorporate guitars and drum sets into worship
4. have an "enyay" (~) flow to the service - high energy worship followed by teaching, followed by the "rockin postlude" ending music; (rather than a long liturgy of stand up sit down, there is just this simple curve)
5. have a casual dress code
6. use cutting edge multimedia in services
And so on.
(as most of you know, this message could also be called: "T and B's life until now."
For many, this was the first they had ever heard of such a thing. they were shocked. some appalled. all looking to Brandon and I for answers. While at the same time, we were starting to sweat in our seats - this is too close for comfort, for sure. our past was quickly encroaching.
After the service and the discussion, we were surrounded by questions: do you actually know of churches like this? If so, could you give me some places to visit? (followed by meticulous note taking and fact gathering, probably organized into an outline in true Presbyterian fashion).
When I told them this was the first church in which I had ever used a hymnal, they lit up with glee - indeed, an expert in our midst! When I told them I was not raised in the church but converted of my own accord in my teens, they giggled - they do exist! When they found out we came from the Vineyard movement and that Brandon actually has been trained in small group leadership, the questions mounted and promises of future talks began.
Remember how we left all of this behind in search of a more personally authentic, stripped-down, less emotional-hype experience only a year ago?
It seems to be following me, but in a new way, hopefully a better way.
Surely, if we hope to have the option of attending a so-called "mainline" church in say twenty years, there must be some adaptation to appeal to these changing tastes (no matter how those tastes are associated with my own personal baggage).
The visitor told a story before the meeting adjourned that eased my fears:
When they first implemented this new "contemporary" model at their congregation, a graduate student who had been away for some years returned to find her home church changed, and so it appeared, overrun by the same, old evangelical model she had come to associate with all things corruptible to the church. However, after the "happy clappy hour" (as one of the women in my meeting called it!), the student realized that the theology of the teaching was the same and she found relief.
In this case then, it was possible to blend the two experiences - contemporary style with sound theology - one that avoids the trap of just being "all Jesus and me" (This was another favorite phrase of mine from the day: the pastor's wife and co-pastor explained that she went through and edited out some of the worship songs that made everything too introspective. I hope you know what I mean - not to diminish the importance of Jesus and me, but not to focus solely on it at the expense of the social gospel).
During the meeting I offered our story, explaining that we left these contemporary, evangelical churches because of their narrow views on social issues. I told them that their churches do not have to disappear, but in fact have an advantage - they offer space for doubts, questioning and discussion. They allow LGBT persons to not only practice their faith in their midst, but serve in leadership! They care about the environment and issues of sustainability and know that peace and justice ministry must be at the center of all faith work. We actually pray for our national and global leadership and against all forms of oppression during service. Surely there are other young people who are restless in conservative contemporary churches who would see the value in this, I thought.
Two worlds are colliding friends, and as the meeting ended, the experienced West Coast co-pastors urged our aging comrades to put Brandon and me at the very center of this collision to offer our unique perspective. Perhaps it will mean congregational mutiny as the aging ladies despise any changes to their routines, now seventy years solid. Perhaps they should hire me as a full-time contemporary church expert to consult them on these matters:) Perhaps this will create the best of both worlds?
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
A Rant to Save You from Unnecessary Harm
Please promise me that you won't ever watch the movie called The Fountain. Thanks.
This post is going to be reminiscent of my thoughts on The Last Mimzy, only opposite.
Last night the Brod and I went to good old Hot Ticket Video to peruse the titles we've missed out on over the last month or so, and boy did we choose a winner. Remember your promise, people.
Here's what one reviewer, S. Burns, had to say about this painfully pretentious and ridiculous movie:
"It's tough to kick a mewing kitten, even one this stupid and ugly."
"We keep cutting back and forth to bald Jackman in outer space, journeying through the cosmos inside a gigantic soap bubble containing the only tree I've ever seen that has pubic hair and makes sex noises. It's some sort of spirit oak that seems to have Weisz's life force trapped inside the bark, which Jackman has to eat to stay alive."
"How does one explain to a studio executive the necessity of the scene in which Hugh Jackman licks the vaginal secretions of a moaning tree, only to find a bouquet of spring flowers bursting out of his mouth?"
So true.
I know this makes no sense if you haven't seen it - and I'm sorry if you have - but don't be tempted. I know the pubic hair tree is enticing, but don't do it.
This post is going to be reminiscent of my thoughts on The Last Mimzy, only opposite.
Last night the Brod and I went to good old Hot Ticket Video to peruse the titles we've missed out on over the last month or so, and boy did we choose a winner. Remember your promise, people.
Here's what one reviewer, S. Burns, had to say about this painfully pretentious and ridiculous movie:
"It's tough to kick a mewing kitten, even one this stupid and ugly."
"We keep cutting back and forth to bald Jackman in outer space, journeying through the cosmos inside a gigantic soap bubble containing the only tree I've ever seen that has pubic hair and makes sex noises. It's some sort of spirit oak that seems to have Weisz's life force trapped inside the bark, which Jackman has to eat to stay alive."
"How does one explain to a studio executive the necessity of the scene in which Hugh Jackman licks the vaginal secretions of a moaning tree, only to find a bouquet of spring flowers bursting out of his mouth?"
So true.
I know this makes no sense if you haven't seen it - and I'm sorry if you have - but don't be tempted. I know the pubic hair tree is enticing, but don't do it.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Back to life as we know it
I never thought I'd look forward to taking out the trash and going to sleep by 10:30...Since we've been back from our trip, there hasn't been a day of normalcy. We returned to Pataskala (home of "bright waters") for a series of events: a funeral, a birthday, a wedding. A very strange mix of emotions. I felt like I was a living in some weird "this is the circle of life" story - birth, death, marriage, all in a weekend.
Also, we almost sold B's ghetto-mobile that's been sitting in Pataskala for the past two years. As the sucker pulled onto Smoke Road and sped away, B and I exchanged enthusiastic high-fives. Yes! We had the money in our hands for about 25 minutes when the buyer called to inform us that the car had broken down. classic. B-rod returned the cash and my mother nearly wept when she saw the tow truck dragging the piece of junk back to her driveway. Who's the sucker now, huh?
On the up side, we ate lots of cake during the weekend and I almost adopted a precious new kitten, which I named Little Seven. If she's still sitting on a Pataskala doorstep next weekend, I'm taking her with me.
Also, we almost sold B's ghetto-mobile that's been sitting in Pataskala for the past two years. As the sucker pulled onto Smoke Road and sped away, B and I exchanged enthusiastic high-fives. Yes! We had the money in our hands for about 25 minutes when the buyer called to inform us that the car had broken down. classic. B-rod returned the cash and my mother nearly wept when she saw the tow truck dragging the piece of junk back to her driveway. Who's the sucker now, huh?
On the up side, we ate lots of cake during the weekend and I almost adopted a precious new kitten, which I named Little Seven. If she's still sitting on a Pataskala doorstep next weekend, I'm taking her with me.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Is that all you got?
Is the Greyhound really the best we can do, America? In case you didn't know (or I don't know a better alternative), the Greyhound is pretty much the only way to get from NYC to Columbus, Ohio without paying a ridiculous amount of money. After our six days of unlimited Deutsche Bahn, this was quite sad.
With no available flights from the city to home, B-rod and I boarded the Hound at 9:15pm Saturday night at the Port Authority. Our journey to the gate was precarious -lots of vomit-dodging - on the floor, in the sinks, behind orange cones in the corners.
The Hound took us 14.5 hours and on the way we had some entertaining companions: the woman with the clown wig/afro who pronounced most of the road signs along the way aloud - "Mus - Musking - How you say that? Anybody know how to say that county?" (She referred to Muskingum County, the pronunciation of which I'm well versed in, but witheld because of my annoyance). Also, the many people with freakin enormous bags who liked to try to shove them into the tiny overhead luggage rack. These people never disappointed in amusing us - no, your 20 gallon trash bag full of shoes isn't going to fit, no way, but keep on trying...
We had to exit the Hounddog at every stop, so B. and I found ourselves many times throughout the night wandering around looking for bathrooms and vending machines with our fellow passengers - 2:30 am, Burger King in rural Pennsylvania; 6:00 am truck stop in Pittsburgh, and so on. We entered our beloved LC around 11:30 am on Sunday and sadly had to pass the Pataskala exit on our way to Columbus - you should've heard the clown lady trying to pronouce that one.
With no available flights from the city to home, B-rod and I boarded the Hound at 9:15pm Saturday night at the Port Authority. Our journey to the gate was precarious -lots of vomit-dodging - on the floor, in the sinks, behind orange cones in the corners.
The Hound took us 14.5 hours and on the way we had some entertaining companions: the woman with the clown wig/afro who pronounced most of the road signs along the way aloud - "Mus - Musking - How you say that? Anybody know how to say that county?" (She referred to Muskingum County, the pronunciation of which I'm well versed in, but witheld because of my annoyance). Also, the many people with freakin enormous bags who liked to try to shove them into the tiny overhead luggage rack. These people never disappointed in amusing us - no, your 20 gallon trash bag full of shoes isn't going to fit, no way, but keep on trying...
We had to exit the Hounddog at every stop, so B. and I found ourselves many times throughout the night wandering around looking for bathrooms and vending machines with our fellow passengers - 2:30 am, Burger King in rural Pennsylvania; 6:00 am truck stop in Pittsburgh, and so on. We entered our beloved LC around 11:30 am on Sunday and sadly had to pass the Pataskala exit on our way to Columbus - you should've heard the clown lady trying to pronouce that one.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Things are so so good friends
I can´t believe how amazing this trip has been. The road trip to NY included so many memorable things, most notably rocking out to Madonna´s Immaculate Collection and the Snakes On a Plane theme song. Thanks to Scott "the mac-daddy" Meyer, we had a freakishly nice stay in Manhattan. Big thanks forever to JessM and Liz for being the best of traveling companions.
Here in Deutschland we´ve been staying with my long lost pal Lauren and our new pal Benji the fussballer. They have shown us a great time in Dusseldorf, Cologne and Holland so far. We eat Brotchen all the time, and people love ice cream here. It is heavenly. I have found my people.
We climbed 509 swirly steps yesterday to the top of the Dom in Cologne. It was miserable but worth it. Also, we went out in Dusseldorf last night and are still resting from all the fun and pain.
The night began as we sat on a boat on the Rhein, sipping cocktails and enjoying the sunset. Then the boat rocks and a torrent of rain water fell from the umbrella we sat under, fully soaking me - and me only. The other people on the boat were horrified and hysterical. With wet hair and shirt and jacket and pants and all, the bartender offered me a hair dryer from the depths of the boat, but I refused. Instead he brought a pile of napkins and insisted that Lauren pat me down gently. To make up for it (and because we quickly became pals with the Greek and Syrian crew), the bar tender brought us a round of nasty double shots - he called it something fancy, but we suspect it was simply Jager. Anyway, this was very bad and we were all soon sehr betrunken, wandering through the pubs of Dusseldorf and making more pals - like an English clarinet player who invited me to join the jazz band next time I´m in town.
Here in Deutschland we´ve been staying with my long lost pal Lauren and our new pal Benji the fussballer. They have shown us a great time in Dusseldorf, Cologne and Holland so far. We eat Brotchen all the time, and people love ice cream here. It is heavenly. I have found my people.
We climbed 509 swirly steps yesterday to the top of the Dom in Cologne. It was miserable but worth it. Also, we went out in Dusseldorf last night and are still resting from all the fun and pain.
The night began as we sat on a boat on the Rhein, sipping cocktails and enjoying the sunset. Then the boat rocks and a torrent of rain water fell from the umbrella we sat under, fully soaking me - and me only. The other people on the boat were horrified and hysterical. With wet hair and shirt and jacket and pants and all, the bartender offered me a hair dryer from the depths of the boat, but I refused. Instead he brought a pile of napkins and insisted that Lauren pat me down gently. To make up for it (and because we quickly became pals with the Greek and Syrian crew), the bar tender brought us a round of nasty double shots - he called it something fancy, but we suspect it was simply Jager. Anyway, this was very bad and we were all soon sehr betrunken, wandering through the pubs of Dusseldorf and making more pals - like an English clarinet player who invited me to join the jazz band next time I´m in town.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Things like this don't happen in real life. only. in. my. dreams!
Yesterday was one of the best days - oh - ever. After a brief phone call with the best advisor - oh - ever, I am done at OU officially!! Remember that 30-page paper standing between me and freedom? Poof! Not fake finished like before, but a completed DARS, for real. Next challenge: getting a real degree - eat my dust academic bureaucracy!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
blog? schmog.
To my masses of loyal readers: I am sorry for disappearing. This month and next are more fun and exciting than I can record in this web-space, so I've felt a bit overwhelmed...
It all began with a wonderful trip to Peninsula, Ohio, perhaps one of the most charming little towns anywhere. JessM was a wonderful hostess. There were beavers and bicycles and people who love Harry Potter. Vodka on the porch, poop smoothie waste recycling, sun tubes, Europe's Final Countdown, Winking Lizard, and more.
This past weekend, Brod and I set out for Southern WV with my dad early on Saturday morning. The family reunion was disappointing in itself, but the three of us were ridiculous together, which made it a very worthwhile trip. Saturday afternoon we decided to climb the Patterson mountain - Mario and I accomplished this feat ten years ago, but that trail has long since overgrown and disappeared. So, the fearless three set out on a new route, but we were soon lost and wandering on cattle paths. My favorite part is that all throughout the intense heat and humidity and steep mountain climb, Mario chugged a Busch Light. Lost, leaning against trees for rest, stopping every hundred yards with exhaustion, the beer was constant. Classic. Brod and Mario P. also cooked a monstrous pot of stew for 100 people. They stirred it with a West Virginia stick. Photos from these road trips will hopefully follow (I lie, remember...)
It all began with a wonderful trip to Peninsula, Ohio, perhaps one of the most charming little towns anywhere. JessM was a wonderful hostess. There were beavers and bicycles and people who love Harry Potter. Vodka on the porch, poop smoothie waste recycling, sun tubes, Europe's Final Countdown, Winking Lizard, and more.
This past weekend, Brod and I set out for Southern WV with my dad early on Saturday morning. The family reunion was disappointing in itself, but the three of us were ridiculous together, which made it a very worthwhile trip. Saturday afternoon we decided to climb the Patterson mountain - Mario and I accomplished this feat ten years ago, but that trail has long since overgrown and disappeared. So, the fearless three set out on a new route, but we were soon lost and wandering on cattle paths. My favorite part is that all throughout the intense heat and humidity and steep mountain climb, Mario chugged a Busch Light. Lost, leaning against trees for rest, stopping every hundred yards with exhaustion, the beer was constant. Classic. Brod and Mario P. also cooked a monstrous pot of stew for 100 people. They stirred it with a West Virginia stick. Photos from these road trips will hopefully follow (I lie, remember...)
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Musings on things that are sharp:
B-rod almost cut off his foot last week. I mean, I know hooks for hands and peg legs are cool and all, but what about a stumpy half-foot - how does that work? He was turning on the lawnmower (ancient and property of our landlords) when it flew into the air and simultaneously turned on. It then landed on his foot, shredding his boot. Praise the lord for steel toed boots - hiking boots, sneakers, anything else, and B's toes would be history right now. This made me feel ill.
Also, I came home last night to find a giant machete hidden between my two outer doors. I love that I have friends who have various machetes that I can borrow at my fancy.
Also, I came home last night to find a giant machete hidden between my two outer doors. I love that I have friends who have various machetes that I can borrow at my fancy.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
"Sugar is the devil,"
said that angry lady with the spikey hair from that Bravo show Workout as I proceeded to dip little balls of margarine, peanut butter and powdered sugar into melting chocoloate. My kitchen had magically transformed into a candy factory, and I told myself I was now Tori Wonka! - (just to make this tedious process a little more fun). Eight hours later I laid down on the linoleum and whimpered a little, vowing never to eat a candy buckeye again. Seven hours after that, Peachums arrived at my house to find scary black circles under my eyes - yet, there were trays of buckeyes ready to be shuttled away for the kiddies of Trimble.
This, suprisingly, was the start of a wonderful day. After dumping the wretched sugar balls into the Volvo wagon, I trotted up the stairs and slept until noon thirty. Brod and I visited the new Donkey space and drank some iced chai; met JR for lunch and did some shop-browsing; took a nice walk home. Then we got to work on our new flower bed, and man is that soil in need of some serious love... we dug a little trench for the bricks - the fun Athens Block kind - and dug stones out of the old garden patch (and took some from our silly neighbors, who will never notice, because they hate plantlife from what I can tell and will never think to look in their bushes for very pretty stone). We plan to wash them and make them extra pretty on Saturday. After the outdoor work, we went for the mac-daddy dinner at the Blue Gator. I mean, for real, people: we ate strip steak and sea bass, and I had the best soup perhaps of my entire life - wild mushroom, spinach and garlic. drooool... In case you don't understand - we never eat like this. we are poor. so it was very exciting. I felt like I had superpowers and tons of energy after I ate such excellent food.
Okay, enough of that. Time to work. Here's one last thought: what's a girl to do when the international mail service loses a little piece of mail that contains a big piece of monies, huh?
This, suprisingly, was the start of a wonderful day. After dumping the wretched sugar balls into the Volvo wagon, I trotted up the stairs and slept until noon thirty. Brod and I visited the new Donkey space and drank some iced chai; met JR for lunch and did some shop-browsing; took a nice walk home. Then we got to work on our new flower bed, and man is that soil in need of some serious love... we dug a little trench for the bricks - the fun Athens Block kind - and dug stones out of the old garden patch (and took some from our silly neighbors, who will never notice, because they hate plantlife from what I can tell and will never think to look in their bushes for very pretty stone). We plan to wash them and make them extra pretty on Saturday. After the outdoor work, we went for the mac-daddy dinner at the Blue Gator. I mean, for real, people: we ate strip steak and sea bass, and I had the best soup perhaps of my entire life - wild mushroom, spinach and garlic. drooool... In case you don't understand - we never eat like this. we are poor. so it was very exciting. I felt like I had superpowers and tons of energy after I ate such excellent food.
Okay, enough of that. Time to work. Here's one last thought: what's a girl to do when the international mail service loses a little piece of mail that contains a big piece of monies, huh?
Monday, April 30, 2007
Farewell wizard frog
This weekend was amazing in many ways. Most notably, the first annual (will it be annual?) yard sale was a great success: B. and I made $300! Steph made even more! Peachums sold a bike! Mshel sold a futon!
I should also mention that people actually bought the following items from me:
- a fountain covered in rodent urine and feces. I did not realize the fountain was contaminated at first, but when I realized, I immediately placed it in the trash pile. A woman spied it in the garbage though and inquired. I answered, "It's dirty." (Quite a euphemism, eh?) But she didn't care and bought it for $2! Her only remark: "ya got mice."
- the psychedelic wizard frog that lived between my lava lamps when I was a young teen.
- the zebra print seat covers that once graced the plush, red velvet seats of my golden Dodge 600. They will now live a long and happy life and will see the world as they travel the country in the Southeast Engine van.
- an unworn bridal veil. good riddance.
- countless other weirdo objects that have been cluttering my life.
I should also mention that people actually bought the following items from me:
- a fountain covered in rodent urine and feces. I did not realize the fountain was contaminated at first, but when I realized, I immediately placed it in the trash pile. A woman spied it in the garbage though and inquired. I answered, "It's dirty." (Quite a euphemism, eh?) But she didn't care and bought it for $2! Her only remark: "ya got mice."
- the psychedelic wizard frog that lived between my lava lamps when I was a young teen.
- the zebra print seat covers that once graced the plush, red velvet seats of my golden Dodge 600. They will now live a long and happy life and will see the world as they travel the country in the Southeast Engine van.
- an unworn bridal veil. good riddance.
- countless other weirdo objects that have been cluttering my life.
Monday, April 23, 2007
I lie(d)
There is no donkey basketball update here. yet. maybe someday there will be time to upload my bizarro photos. but not now. and that shouldn't keep me from posting on here until then, right? right.
Life is beautiful lately - and weird.
I have (re)discovered my Appalachian roots; that is, my family came to central Ohio from Virginia/West Virginia only one generation ago. To learn more, B-rod, Mario and I are taking off for Patterson mountain in May. There will be banjo playing, church services, giant stew pots, horse shoes, log sawing competitions, moonshine, hiking, family cemetery visiting and much more. Let's also remember that this means a substantial road trip with Mr. Mario P. I cannot wait.
Other news:
- I am reading Winesburg, Ohio; as of now, it is not as wonderful as I had hoped.
- I have one fully free weekend between now and July.
- We have been experimenting with a "poop snake" in our plumbing; things are not looking good friends.
- Mr. Benji Fussball was a good fussballer this season, which means my tickets to D- land will be even cheaper than we'd hoped!
- April is a good month to have good babies; that is, many of my favorite people were born in April: Brod, Peachums, Jimon Sowell, JR, pinky davis, and others I'm sure.
- On Sunday, B. and I attended a Unitarian church service for Earth Day; we learned a rather catchy song about the rainforest from people wearing animal prints: "the caaan-o-peeee! the caaan-o-peeee!" "E-mer-GENT, E-mer-GENT!"
Life is beautiful lately - and weird.
I have (re)discovered my Appalachian roots; that is, my family came to central Ohio from Virginia/West Virginia only one generation ago. To learn more, B-rod, Mario and I are taking off for Patterson mountain in May. There will be banjo playing, church services, giant stew pots, horse shoes, log sawing competitions, moonshine, hiking, family cemetery visiting and much more. Let's also remember that this means a substantial road trip with Mr. Mario P. I cannot wait.
Other news:
- I am reading Winesburg, Ohio; as of now, it is not as wonderful as I had hoped.
- I have one fully free weekend between now and July.
- We have been experimenting with a "poop snake" in our plumbing; things are not looking good friends.
- Mr. Benji Fussball was a good fussballer this season, which means my tickets to D- land will be even cheaper than we'd hoped!
- April is a good month to have good babies; that is, many of my favorite people were born in April: Brod, Peachums, Jimon Sowell, JR, pinky davis, and others I'm sure.
- On Sunday, B. and I attended a Unitarian church service for Earth Day; we learned a rather catchy song about the rainforest from people wearing animal prints: "the caaan-o-peeee! the caaan-o-peeee!" "E-mer-GENT, E-mer-GENT!"
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Donkey basketball is real?
Two days and several hours from now I will be attending one of this area's premiere cultural events: Donkey Basketball.
All I know right now is that the ticket features the likeness of a growling donkey, that the donkeys will be wearing "non-marking nylon shoes" to protect the gym floor of Trimble Middle School, and that piles of poo dumped in strategic places earn varying amounts of points.
How can this be true?
I will find out Friday night.
More to come...
All I know right now is that the ticket features the likeness of a growling donkey, that the donkeys will be wearing "non-marking nylon shoes" to protect the gym floor of Trimble Middle School, and that piles of poo dumped in strategic places earn varying amounts of points.
How can this be true?
I will find out Friday night.
More to come...
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
A thought and some updates for the sake of updates
Green is my least favorite color. Why is my blog green?
Also - life update:
The P-S fam has planned the next year of our life(ves). B. has a real job secured - with health insurance! - starting in July after our 'vaycay' - he is very excited.
I am staying where I am, in light of recent events. You know what I mean...
Also - the lady beetles are back in my work nook (see October post).
Also - life update:
The P-S fam has planned the next year of our life(ves). B. has a real job secured - with health insurance! - starting in July after our 'vaycay' - he is very excited.
I am staying where I am, in light of recent events. You know what I mean...
Also - the lady beetles are back in my work nook (see October post).
Monday, March 26, 2007
Mimzy
Here's what critics have to say about The Last Mimzy, perhaps one of the strangest movies I've seen in a long time:
"For a movie aimed at kids, The Last Mimzy is really weird. How weird? Roger Waters does the film's original song, that's how weird. The film is a fun confection of science-fiction and Eastern religious concepts wrapped into a children's film that could just as easily pass as a stoner movie."
- Mark Dujsik, independent critic
"The Last Mimzy is a mess. It is overstuffed with everything from futuristic technology to psychic powers to Eastern mysticism to Lewis Carroll... Noah can create noises that control the movement of spiders; Emma has the power of telekinesis and can also penetrate an inter-dimensional nexus created by the spinning rocks from their new 'tox box.'"
- Stax, IGN
[*The meat analogies in this next one win the gold star*]
"'Mimsy Were the Borogroves,'" Kuttner & Moore's terrifying parable about the loss of innocence and the ending of childhood, is chopped up, its dark meat bleached until, like a chicken leg, it is converted into a breaded chicken nugget...Toss in a liberal amount of Nepalese mysticism and CGI and add in a paranoid government that locks up four-year-olds under the Patriot Act and you have this mandala-shaped piece of mystery meat.
- imdb.com
"This weird, and weirdly entertaining, movie will be, for a certain brand of nerd-kid, what 2001 must have been for drug-addled hippies. It's a freakout for sci-fi-oriented 10-year-olds with a propensity for being fascinated by New Age alternative spiritualities and physics and for reading books like The Elegant Universe before they're really ready."
- Dave White, movies.com
Yep, that pretty much sums it up: a really weird yet entertaining, inter-dimensional nexus freakout stoner chicken nugget movie. Mimzy!
"For a movie aimed at kids, The Last Mimzy is really weird. How weird? Roger Waters does the film's original song, that's how weird. The film is a fun confection of science-fiction and Eastern religious concepts wrapped into a children's film that could just as easily pass as a stoner movie."
- Mark Dujsik, independent critic
"The Last Mimzy is a mess. It is overstuffed with everything from futuristic technology to psychic powers to Eastern mysticism to Lewis Carroll... Noah can create noises that control the movement of spiders; Emma has the power of telekinesis and can also penetrate an inter-dimensional nexus created by the spinning rocks from their new 'tox box.'"
- Stax, IGN
[*The meat analogies in this next one win the gold star*]
"'Mimsy Were the Borogroves,'" Kuttner & Moore's terrifying parable about the loss of innocence and the ending of childhood, is chopped up, its dark meat bleached until, like a chicken leg, it is converted into a breaded chicken nugget...Toss in a liberal amount of Nepalese mysticism and CGI and add in a paranoid government that locks up four-year-olds under the Patriot Act and you have this mandala-shaped piece of mystery meat.
- imdb.com
"This weird, and weirdly entertaining, movie will be, for a certain brand of nerd-kid, what 2001 must have been for drug-addled hippies. It's a freakout for sci-fi-oriented 10-year-olds with a propensity for being fascinated by New Age alternative spiritualities and physics and for reading books like The Elegant Universe before they're really ready."
- Dave White, movies.com
Yep, that pretty much sums it up: a really weird yet entertaining, inter-dimensional nexus freakout stoner chicken nugget movie. Mimzy!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Meth Lab Mystery Solved
So it looks like my mysterious neighbors aren't operating a meth lab in their basement - not yet, anyway. No, they are Ohio University sophomores who, for some reason, plan on being there "for another five years." Not as exciting as drug dealers, these new neighbors are just good old keg party boys with wall-rattling subwoofers. So much for danger and intrigue; it looks like we're in for a summer of cornhole, beer pong and piles of Natty cans overflowing into our yard instead.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
A Non-Magical Morning
Once upon a time, tori-ps discovered that she didn't have to come into work until after noon the next day, so she decided to stay up late and watch episode after episode of Six Feet Under with her pal JR. Consequently she was quiet tired the following morning and she snoozed, snoozed, snoozed (every nine minutes for about 1.5 hours).
When she finally felt rested enough to open her eyes, the digital alarm clock read 11:11. She thought, "This is a great sign; a magical day awaits me, because the clock numbers are in harmony." (Of course she did not get out of bed until 11:12, because as we all know, it is much better to wake on an even number).
After getting ready for the work day, she stepped happily outside into the sunshine, enjoying the wonderful late morning weather and imagining all the magical possibilities this day could hold. As she looked upon her car from the porch, however, she noticed something small and glossy gleaming in the sunlight of this supposedly magical, harmonious morning. It was evidence that the parking ladies had come and gone.
She walked over to the car, lifted the windshield wiper and removed the small yet ominous slip of paper. Out of curiousity she checked the time of the violation: 11:11.
Indeed, this was not a magical morning, other than the fact that twenty dollars magically disappeared from her checking account.
When she finally felt rested enough to open her eyes, the digital alarm clock read 11:11. She thought, "This is a great sign; a magical day awaits me, because the clock numbers are in harmony." (Of course she did not get out of bed until 11:12, because as we all know, it is much better to wake on an even number).
After getting ready for the work day, she stepped happily outside into the sunshine, enjoying the wonderful late morning weather and imagining all the magical possibilities this day could hold. As she looked upon her car from the porch, however, she noticed something small and glossy gleaming in the sunlight of this supposedly magical, harmonious morning. It was evidence that the parking ladies had come and gone.
She walked over to the car, lifted the windshield wiper and removed the small yet ominous slip of paper. Out of curiousity she checked the time of the violation: 11:11.
Indeed, this was not a magical morning, other than the fact that twenty dollars magically disappeared from her checking account.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Uterus Wagon
I recently learned about the RASCAL Unit through an Internet search.
RASCAL stands for Roaming Animal Sterilization Clinic At Low cost. That's right people - it's a spaymobile. It drives around Ohio providing cheap surgeries for cats, dogs and rabbits. Rabbits?
I think this is excellent and creepy. Excellent because it reduces the feral population - all those mangy cats that would otherwise attack my little diva - but creepy because, well, it's a van. in a parking lot. performing surgeries.
For only $45 I could drop Stella off at the van in the morning and when I pick her up later that evening, her uterus and ovaries would be gone.
After considering the trauma Stella would probably endure from spending a whole day in a van with 40 other cats and dogs, I have opted to take her to the vet for this procedure instead.
I'm sure the RASCAL is very safe and efficient, but my cat is a wuss and has no social skills.
Anyway, my hat is off to the RASCAL people and their van. They are doing us all a great service.
RASCAL stands for Roaming Animal Sterilization Clinic At Low cost. That's right people - it's a spaymobile. It drives around Ohio providing cheap surgeries for cats, dogs and rabbits. Rabbits?
I think this is excellent and creepy. Excellent because it reduces the feral population - all those mangy cats that would otherwise attack my little diva - but creepy because, well, it's a van. in a parking lot. performing surgeries.
For only $45 I could drop Stella off at the van in the morning and when I pick her up later that evening, her uterus and ovaries would be gone.
After considering the trauma Stella would probably endure from spending a whole day in a van with 40 other cats and dogs, I have opted to take her to the vet for this procedure instead.
I'm sure the RASCAL is very safe and efficient, but my cat is a wuss and has no social skills.
Anyway, my hat is off to the RASCAL people and their van. They are doing us all a great service.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Up Up and Away
Today I found out that Brandon and I are going to Europe this summer; thank you Lauren G. and your fussball boy for the wonderful and affordable tickets!
Here's the plan as of now:
Priority one: go spin around on a hilltop like Maria. Priority two: wander around in Czech castles and pretend that we're international spies in Prague. Priority three: wonder at all the solar panels and watch Brandon drool a whole lot.
Other than that, we need to start planning our itinerary, so any thoughts on places to visit in Germany, the Netherlands, Czech Republic, Switzerland or Austria would be great.
Here's the plan as of now:
Priority one: go spin around on a hilltop like Maria. Priority two: wander around in Czech castles and pretend that we're international spies in Prague. Priority three: wonder at all the solar panels and watch Brandon drool a whole lot.
Other than that, we need to start planning our itinerary, so any thoughts on places to visit in Germany, the Netherlands, Czech Republic, Switzerland or Austria would be great.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Any ideas?
I hate American healthcare at the moment. and at every moment, really.
The Stephens/Patterson fam is having some serious dental crises right now, but we do not have insurance. I am writing to you - internet sages, full of wisdom - for thoughts about this. Does anyone know of discounted dental programs in Ohio, particularly oral surgery? I hope so.
The Stephens/Patterson fam is having some serious dental crises right now, but we do not have insurance. I am writing to you - internet sages, full of wisdom - for thoughts about this. Does anyone know of discounted dental programs in Ohio, particularly oral surgery? I hope so.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Panda people beware...
I know - two posts in one day - what could precipitate such a momentous occurence?!
While perusing the world wide web this afternoon I came across a story that must be shared: A drunk man in China was mauled by a panda when he jumped into its cage in an attempt to hug the seemingly cute and cuddly thing.
My favorite part of the article was the following quote: "Although Zhang was unable to actually hug the bear, he did manage to bite back while fighting the animal off. 'I was able to reach over and give that animal a bite on his back...his skin was really thick,'" said Zhang.
Anyhow, here's the link to Drunk Man Mauled by Panda: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20451909-29677,00.html
While perusing the world wide web this afternoon I came across a story that must be shared: A drunk man in China was mauled by a panda when he jumped into its cage in an attempt to hug the seemingly cute and cuddly thing.
My favorite part of the article was the following quote: "Although Zhang was unable to actually hug the bear, he did manage to bite back while fighting the animal off. 'I was able to reach over and give that animal a bite on his back...his skin was really thick,'" said Zhang.
Anyhow, here's the link to Drunk Man Mauled by Panda: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20451909-29677,00.html
Feline demons
Last night B-rod and I were reading the Gospel of Mark when we came across the familiar story of the man possessed by a "legion" of demons. As the story goes, the man lived in the tombs of the Gerasenes and was cutting himself with stones and crying out wildly, so Jesus commanded the demons leave him and go into a herd of swine nearby. The demons left the man, entered the herd, and they drowned themselves.
Although I'd read this story many times, this was the first time I thought - "this means animals can be possessed by demons!" My thoughts turned immediately to the creature that shares my home: Stella.
Stella is c-razy. for real. She runs around the house like a flash, sometimes sideways, skidding sharply around doorframes. She routinely arches her back and hops madly at me sideways, making hiss hiss noises. Yesterday she jumped out of hiding and viciously sunk her fangs into my thigh.
I'm sure you can see where this is going: Brandon and I stayed up quite late, laughing madly, yelling "Legion!" as she ran in and out of our room in her frantic midnight dash. I commanded confidently in imitation, "Come out of this cat, you evil spirit!" After all people, WWJD, right?
After this went on for awhile, I realized it probably wasn't a laughing matter. Being the wuss that I am, I figured I would start to fear her immensely when alone with her, and that thoughts of demon-Stella would haunt my dreams if I didn't put a stop to my folly.
Although I'd read this story many times, this was the first time I thought - "this means animals can be possessed by demons!" My thoughts turned immediately to the creature that shares my home: Stella.
Stella is c-razy. for real. She runs around the house like a flash, sometimes sideways, skidding sharply around doorframes. She routinely arches her back and hops madly at me sideways, making hiss hiss noises. Yesterday she jumped out of hiding and viciously sunk her fangs into my thigh.
I'm sure you can see where this is going: Brandon and I stayed up quite late, laughing madly, yelling "Legion!" as she ran in and out of our room in her frantic midnight dash. I commanded confidently in imitation, "Come out of this cat, you evil spirit!" After all people, WWJD, right?
After this went on for awhile, I realized it probably wasn't a laughing matter. Being the wuss that I am, I figured I would start to fear her immensely when alone with her, and that thoughts of demon-Stella would haunt my dreams if I didn't put a stop to my folly.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Podasity
This weekend we enjoyed a visit from B's grandparents, the Podases. These people are perhaps two of the most amazing, sweetest people on the planet, for real. Although brief, our time together was filled with memorable moments, as usual:
- Shortly after arriving at our house, Annabelle became very eager to show us the presents she had brought along. First, she handed us a piece of country pottery with the outline of a cow on it. "Could you two find a good use for this?" she asked. Of course we answered emphatically that we could. Hmmm, the possibilities? Then, from within the vessel, A-belle pulled out a small, shiny metal basket filled with all sorts of pinkiness: pink plastic beads scattered in amongst the metal basket weave; pink and white toulle that served as a tissue paper; and best of all, tons of little artificial rose petals. "For Valentine's Day, kids!" she exclaimed, very excited about her clever little gift. "You know where to sprinkle these, right?" followed by a wink wink, nudge nudge; we were horrified. Was this really happening?
- Ralph was apalled to find that we did not have chairs to accompany our dining table in the kitchen. As a result, before they left we had gained not two chairs, but four - "so we can have our friends over for a good game of bridge," he said.
(As a side note: Brandon is actually looking into the game in response to the Podases' prompting; they have even sent us a how-to-play manual in the mail).
- Shortly after arriving at our house, Annabelle became very eager to show us the presents she had brought along. First, she handed us a piece of country pottery with the outline of a cow on it. "Could you two find a good use for this?" she asked. Of course we answered emphatically that we could. Hmmm, the possibilities? Then, from within the vessel, A-belle pulled out a small, shiny metal basket filled with all sorts of pinkiness: pink plastic beads scattered in amongst the metal basket weave; pink and white toulle that served as a tissue paper; and best of all, tons of little artificial rose petals. "For Valentine's Day, kids!" she exclaimed, very excited about her clever little gift. "You know where to sprinkle these, right?" followed by a wink wink, nudge nudge; we were horrified. Was this really happening?
- Ralph was apalled to find that we did not have chairs to accompany our dining table in the kitchen. As a result, before they left we had gained not two chairs, but four - "so we can have our friends over for a good game of bridge," he said.
(As a side note: Brandon is actually looking into the game in response to the Podases' prompting; they have even sent us a how-to-play manual in the mail).
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Things that happened that, when added together, make up my life
* Dreamgirls made me dance in my movie seat, as well as renew my love of glitter, wigs, and peacock plume eyeshadow effects. It then made me think I could actually be a Dreamgirl, which made me sing about it all night with my girl pals. If only we could, together, harness our musical genius.
* I called Sara's house last night and the phone growled at me like a furious canine. Thinking this was the new outgoing message she and Max conjured up, I stayed on the line, only to realize that the phone line may have acutally been a portal to the underworld. When I called again, I got their regular machine message...
* Jane Eyre has taken an unexpected turn for the better! Mr. Rochester is my new favorite literary figure. Tori + Mr. R = love.
* Last night, during an emergency trip to the grocery store at 1am, I was distracted by handsoap and spent a good 15 minutes trying to choose the one with the least amount of smell. I hate flowery-smelling hands. After removing the cap to one bottle and leaning in to smell and scrutinize it, I got the goo all over my face. While frantically trying to get it off, I merely created long, droopy, slimy strings everywhere. Brandon (and the night stock crew) found this very amusing.
*At work we are trying to find an entertaining "personality host" for an upcoming event; at the top of the list is Richard Dean Anderson, AKA MacGyver. I have spent a good portion of my morning researching him online and trying to find his contact information.
* I called Sara's house last night and the phone growled at me like a furious canine. Thinking this was the new outgoing message she and Max conjured up, I stayed on the line, only to realize that the phone line may have acutally been a portal to the underworld. When I called again, I got their regular machine message...
* Jane Eyre has taken an unexpected turn for the better! Mr. Rochester is my new favorite literary figure. Tori + Mr. R = love.
* Last night, during an emergency trip to the grocery store at 1am, I was distracted by handsoap and spent a good 15 minutes trying to choose the one with the least amount of smell. I hate flowery-smelling hands. After removing the cap to one bottle and leaning in to smell and scrutinize it, I got the goo all over my face. While frantically trying to get it off, I merely created long, droopy, slimy strings everywhere. Brandon (and the night stock crew) found this very amusing.
*At work we are trying to find an entertaining "personality host" for an upcoming event; at the top of the list is Richard Dean Anderson, AKA MacGyver. I have spent a good portion of my morning researching him online and trying to find his contact information.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Happy Birthday + Annoying Singing Cards = Excellent Greetings from Athens
January is birthday extravaganza: all of my parents/in-laws have had birthdays this month.
In honor of my mom's and Brandon's mom's birthday, which are a day apart, and because we are too poor to send presents through the mail, Brandon and I went to Hallmark to buy them birthday cards.
Out of habit, I immediately went to the super sappy, "Mom, you are wonderful" birthday section, in which all the cards are designed in pastels with bouquets of flowers and perhaps a pink or purple ribbon looped through the front. While perusing these traditional cards we usually purchase as our mom-birthday staple, a strange sound began to fill the air.
One aisle behind me (I know this because Brandon's head was popping out over the tall racks of cards), I heard "Who Let the Dogs Out" blaring and Brandon making his signature honking laugh sound that he makes when he's thoroughly amused by something ridiculous. Soon, more classic melodies such as the theme song from Star Wars and "Achy Breaky Heart" were belting out from the aisle, as Brandon opened singing birthday cards, one after the other.
We were the only customers in the store; yet, I was getting slightly embarassed as he made his way through the rack, laughing hysterically to himself the whole time. I hissed at him: "Hey, quit it! You have absolutely no intention of buying one of those! Now, get over here and help me pick out the card with the best looking hydrangeas for your mom."
His laughter was contagious, however, as "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In" started up. Soon I was standing at the rack too, and there were just so many songs to choose from! There was even a Lassie card that barked at us.
We finally decided on "Superfreak" for B.'s mom and the "Wang Chung" song ("Everybody Have Fun Tonight") for T-Pole senior. All covered in glitter and neon party hats, there was no doubt the moms would be excited and confused.
Yesterday I returned to the store to purchase "Mr. Roboto" for my father, whose birthday is today. His card, in keeping with this year's theme of hilarity, features stick figure robots showcasing their best robot dance moves, much like his famed "shovel" and "batman." I figure he can relate.
In honor of my mom's and Brandon's mom's birthday, which are a day apart, and because we are too poor to send presents through the mail, Brandon and I went to Hallmark to buy them birthday cards.
Out of habit, I immediately went to the super sappy, "Mom, you are wonderful" birthday section, in which all the cards are designed in pastels with bouquets of flowers and perhaps a pink or purple ribbon looped through the front. While perusing these traditional cards we usually purchase as our mom-birthday staple, a strange sound began to fill the air.
One aisle behind me (I know this because Brandon's head was popping out over the tall racks of cards), I heard "Who Let the Dogs Out" blaring and Brandon making his signature honking laugh sound that he makes when he's thoroughly amused by something ridiculous. Soon, more classic melodies such as the theme song from Star Wars and "Achy Breaky Heart" were belting out from the aisle, as Brandon opened singing birthday cards, one after the other.
We were the only customers in the store; yet, I was getting slightly embarassed as he made his way through the rack, laughing hysterically to himself the whole time. I hissed at him: "Hey, quit it! You have absolutely no intention of buying one of those! Now, get over here and help me pick out the card with the best looking hydrangeas for your mom."
His laughter was contagious, however, as "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In" started up. Soon I was standing at the rack too, and there were just so many songs to choose from! There was even a Lassie card that barked at us.
We finally decided on "Superfreak" for B.'s mom and the "Wang Chung" song ("Everybody Have Fun Tonight") for T-Pole senior. All covered in glitter and neon party hats, there was no doubt the moms would be excited and confused.
Yesterday I returned to the store to purchase "Mr. Roboto" for my father, whose birthday is today. His card, in keeping with this year's theme of hilarity, features stick figure robots showcasing their best robot dance moves, much like his famed "shovel" and "batman." I figure he can relate.
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