A Yuletide Obsession

On occasion, Brandon and I treat ourselves to a stroll through Big Lots - the apparent mecca for Athens residents abstaining from WalMart shopping. This store often has a strange effect on us, like when we walk in and the store is brimming with Pier 1 merchandise marked down 85 percent. Our trip last weekend was no exception to this pattern, with Brandon immediately falling into a strong and mysterious trance upon walking through the doors.

As we entered there was one of those obscenely large flat panel TVs there to greet us, interestingly placed in the same spot as the people who give you your cart at WalMart... On the giant shiny screen played a fireplace scene, complete with flames flickering happily and the sounds of crackling wood. In the background, songs described as 30 "Christmas favorites" were playing softly (not the favorite versions - more like the Yanni version of Christmas). Brandon was instantly hooked. "WE HAVE TO GET IT!"

The "it" was a DVD entitled, "The Yule Log," which you can conveniently pop into your player for instant festive ambiance - or so his argument went. "IT'S ONLY THREE DOLLARS!" I ordinarily protest these whims, but he was so thrilled I couldn't argue. He grabbed a cart and threw in a cheap, red plastic case. Although I was somewhat horrified by the idea of the Yule Log abiding in my house, I must admit that Brandon's love of the log amused me greatly and that quirks like this are a reason why we like each other so much.

Twenty minutes later we went to the checkout with only the Yule Log to purchase. As we exited the store, I looked back at the monstrous stack of Yule Logs still on the table and we both agreed that we were probably the only people to every actually buy one.

Not pausing to remove his coat or shoes, Brandon went directly to the television when we got home to crank up the cheer, or something like that. "IT HAS MULTIPLE VIEWS!" After he coerced me to gather round and observe, I saw that indeed you can choose from up-close, just-fireplace view, OR you can zoom out and have an entire Christmas scene complete with mantle, stockings, and gifts abounding.

To Brandon this is perhaps the most hilarious thing to ever happen to Christmas. He is very amused with his log and is planning on bringing it home with us to ambush our families. His plan: during Christmas Eve gift exchange - LOG. during Christmas morning breakfast - LOG. at my parents' house - LOG. at his grandparents' house - LOG. You get the picture.

Until then, I imagine myself coming home from work to find him sitting on the couch, smiling, watching the log flicker and pop, adjusting the volume of the crackling. Did I mention it plays in a continuous loop? No need to restart after the two-hour initial running time.